


Guilty, Filthy Soul

by gratuitousWordsmith



Category: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Genre: F/M, Gen, If anyone's familiar with pale romance this is what it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 12:28:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gratuitousWordsmith/pseuds/gratuitousWordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cause you gotta look her in the eye<br/>And you gotta love your way of life<br/>Cause you gotta guilty, filthy soul<br/>Don’t ya know it’s out of your control</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilty, Filthy Soul

**Author's Note:**

> http://badhoruss.tumblr.com/post/51609330873
> 
> In the webcomic 'Homestuck', there's a type of romance that's akin to platonic soul mates based on mutual pity and protection. I've recently became obsessed with the concept of this sort of 'pale' romance between Billy and Penny owo

> [tumblr mirror](http://grandfalloon.tumblr.com/post/51625577461)

> Cause you gotta look her in the eye  
>  And you gotta love your way of life  
>  Cause you gotta [guilty, filthy soul](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=z1f-8yWhLzw)  
>  Don’t ya know it’s out of your control [x](http://badhoruss.tumblr.com/post/51609330873)

You think things over as you dump an almost-cap-full of fabric softener into the machine and tuck the bottle back into your basket. You watch them talk over warm mochas and bedsheets. He touches her hair and you accidently drop a quarter into the dirty, soapy clothes. You shove the blue -coated coin into the slot as her smile wavers. He said something she didn’t like. He’s been doing that more often. 

Not that you’ve noticed. Alright, you noticed. You noticed because just seeing her twice a week (Wednesdays and Saturdays, always) wasn’t enough. You noticed because you had to see her happy, and too often she came in, bothered expression as she tips her laundry basket into the machine. And it hurts. 

It doesn’t hurt the same way it used to, though. You used to want to get mad at her for putting herself with that total asshole Captain Hammer. You wanted to sweep her off her feet and kiss her and tell her that you’re exactly what she’s looking for. You used to be like that. Now, though, it’s different. You’re mad at him because he can’t be good enough. Because he can’t understand her. Because he makes her unhappy.

Just not unhappy enough for her to leave him. You suppose that’s the only good thing about it, is that she’s still sort of happy with him. You sit in one of the chairs by the window and work on the next level of Angry Birds, far too distraught to think about what progress still needs to be made on your Freeze Ray. 

She asks if you have any spare change. Of course you do, and you gladly let her have them with no promise of reimbursement. He left a while ago and she sits next to you. Aim low with the yellow birds, she tells you. 

You ask a penny for her thoughts and she misses the double meaning entirely. She tells you that she already borrowed enough change. You can keep your penny, and she tells you what he said. It’s awful, you think. He’s a toxic man and you yearn to ease her away from him. 

Over frozen yogurt she relates to you yet another mindless string of thoughts the local hero managed to tell her in complete seriousness. You wave them away with your spork and she smiles. You smile, too, but only your yogurt sees. She tells you the date for the Captain Hammer memorial statue unveiling was pushed back a week. She doesn’t question you when you thank her. A week was exactly what the Freeze Ray needed. 

The strip of Main Street being closed off for the Veterans March the next day was also exactly what the Freeze Ray needed. With the police involved in the parade, no one would notice a little bit of Wonderflonium going missing. You thank her again, but the words never meet her ears. 

She asks if you’ve ever met someone who was so perfect yet couldn’t realize that sometimes what they’re doing is bringing them down. Like Captain Hammer. You say you do know someone like that. She doesn’t know it’s her. 

You’re invited into her apartment one day, after offering to carry back her basket for her. You stay for lemonade and pound cake and daytime television. She has a cat named Hope. Captain Hammer joined the two of you later.

On Saturday she asked about your black eye and you tell her you fell. She presses her fingertips to the edge of it, and then replaces them with her lips. 

And that’s when you felt guilty. Guilty. Filthy. You’ve done nothing for her but hold open doors and share your spare change. What has she done for you? Moved back dates, made it easier for you to pilfer contraband, unknowingly convinced the LAPD to stop tapping into your blog, amongst dozens of other unwitting acts. She was aiding your corruption and you never stopped her. Because you didn’t want her to know. 

You thumb the edge of your Evil League of Evil letter and worry your lip. You don’t want to tell her. 

Hey, Penny?

Are you free this afternoon?

Oh, no, no… I was just wondering if you wanted to meet somewhere for lunch.

You never reply to her yes, and she follows you out of the laundromat. You walk a block to the park in silence and find an empty bench. You lean forward on your knees and duck your head into your basket in case you threw up from nerves. 

She asks if you wanted to tell her something. Of course there is. There is a huge thing you want to tell her. You close your eyes and hold the letter out for her. 

She asks how you got this letter; how you knew that Dr. Horrible requested to leave the Evil League of Evil. 

She doesn’t get it. With shaking hands you pull your goggles over your eyes and slide your hands into your gloves.

Do you recognize me now?

Guilty, filthy soul. 

Her mouth opens up a bit but she remains silent. Her eyes are glassy and she reaches for her phone. You cover her hand with yours and gently lower the device. 

Please, Penny.

You look her in the eyes and she doesn’t look at you back. Instead she looks at the paper still crushed in her other hand. 

You wanted to leave. You couldn’t take it. You can’t be the friend she needs and Dr. Horrible at the same time. But anyone who’s ever been in the Evil League of Evil knows you can’t leave. No one can. A clause like that ensures the safety of the other League members, but you don’t want to betray them. You just want out, free from the responsibilities of a supervillain. If you leave, they will kill you.

She invites you in for soup and a glass of water. You weren’t crying, but you might as well have been. She settles your coat over your shoulders and keys in a few minutes on the microwave. 

She tells you there has to be a way out.

And you swear she is hope. 

It’s weeks before either of you make progress. You never finished your Freeze Ray. It sits unneeded on a shelf in your apartment. She slams the laundry machine shut and hunches over it. She jumps a mile when you lay a hand on her shoulder. 

He broke up with her.

The news hits you like a courier van and you gulp down the lump in your throat. You truely realize it’s over then. Not her and Hammer, not. But you and her as a couple because for once you don’t want to wake up next to her, no, you want to let her cry on your shoulder and kiss her forehead like she did your eye weeks ago. You both want to kiss away the problems of each other’s worlds. 

Between coughs and sniffling she kisses you on the mouth. Your lips freeze and she pulls away.

No you didn’t do anything wrong, you assure her. You just-

You used to be upset at her, but now you’re angry with him. You explain this to her as best as you can and she agrees. It was silly of her, and she’s sorry. 

She tells you she wants revenge, only in sweeter words. She is unhappy that he gets away with his heart of gold plated coal. Off to kiss other girls looking for a Prince Charming. 

She asks if Dr. Horrible finished his Freeze Ray. 

You stop. No, no no. No. No that’s not the Penny you fell in and out of love with. It’s not the Penny you had in front of you a week ago. It’s not the Penny who held your hand and said that there’s a way away from evil, you just have to try hard enough. 

You shove your hands in your pocket and walk out of the laundromat, the worst best friend you could ever be.

You hate yourself more that usual that day. 

She skipped the weekend.

When she makes her return she doesn’t meet your eyes. 

Your words fall on deaf ears as she ignores you while she folds her clothes. 

She doesn’t meet your hand when you reach for hers. 

No, you didn’t do anything wrong, you tell her. You were both mad at him, but it’s time to move on. It’s for the better.

For both of us.


End file.
